Domestic abuse and domestic violence often suggest physical harm, yet these terms encompass a far deeper and more insidious element: coercive control. Coercive control is not just an added layer to abusive relationships but rather the foundation upon which all forms of domestic abuse and violence rest. It involves patterns of behaviours that are used to dominate, restrict, and manipulate the other person’s independence, self-esteem, and freedom. Without coercive control, abuse would not serve the abuser’s ultimate purpose of maintaining power over their partner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s why coercive control is inseparable from

domestic abuse and violence

and why I would argue is present in 100% of domestic

abuse/violence cases:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Abuse is Rooted in Power and Control

 

 

 

 

 

   Domestic abuse is not just about one-off incidents or isolated acts of violence; it is a pattern of behaviour designed to establish and maintain power over another person. Physical violence, intimidation, financial abuse, and even isolation tactics all serve as tools in this quest for control. Without coercive control, these abusive tactics would lack their primary purpose: to instil fear and dependency in us, the victim. Coercive control is what turns singular actions into a prolonged system of domination.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 2. Psychological Abuse IS the First Step

 

 

 

 

 

   Coercive control begins subtly, with emotional manipulation, monitoring, and isolation – wrapped in a package of pseudo romance of ‘caring’ for us – being ‘concerned’ for us. We may be cut off from friends, limited in our financial independence, or constantly monitored. These actions might not leave visible scars, but they establish the abuser’s control, which can later escalate into physical violence when we fail to comply with the abuser’s demands and rules. The psychological chains laid through coercive control enable the physical harm that often follows.

 

3. Physical Abuse is never the first tactic of abuse. 

 

 

 

 

 

   Coercive control weaves through all aspects of a person’s life, affecting everything from personal freedom to basic decision-making. The abuser uses this control to render us isolated, financially dependent, and fearful of consequences, reducing the likelihood of escape. Physical abuse comes when the other tactics are not as effective – it starts with physical threat – getting in our face, blocking our path, punching walls and when these tactics fail to restore control actual violence occurs. Think about it – If physical abuse was the first tactic used, i.e. without any coercive control, we would not have been worn down, feel worthless, confused, to blame and we would be able to leave. 

 

 

 

 

 

 4. Escape is Not Simple When Control is All-Encompassing

    Many people ask why victims don’t “just leave” abusive relationships. The answer often lies in the level of coercive control exerted. When an abuser controls every aspect of our life, including finances, social connections, and even self-worth, it makes leaving a daunting and often dangerous task. Coercive control is so deeply entrenched in our lives that we often feel there is no safe way to escape.

 

In short, coercive control is the backbone of domestic abuse and domestic violence. It ensures we remain under the abuser’s power, transforming what could be isolated incidents of harm into a prolonged pattern of domination. Domestic abuse and violence cannot be sustained without the emotional and psychological abuse of coercive control. Understanding this foundational element is key to supporting victim/survivors and addressing the true nature of abuse. Recognising coercive control as an integral part of abuse also informs better legal protections and support structures to help us safely rebuild our lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I say ‘us’ because those of us who have been subjected to violence and abuse in our lifetime do not live in a bubble – we are not ‘these women’ ‘mum’ to be ‘othered’ separated from you – we are in the room – we are always in the room. 

 

If you’d like to find out more about coercive control – our original drama LADY IN RED is now a CPD accredited  training package providing a unique engaging focus for your community awareness or company training event. Book a call with Claire to find out more HERE

If you need support for you or a loved one regarding coercive control here is a list of UK domestic abuse support organisations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are fast approaching mental health awareness week and I’m not afraid to admit I made a Big mistake today. I let a funding bid rejection really get me down. It’s the second rejection for a new project – to film LADY IN RED. Using immersive digital techniques we’d make it more accessible; with an audio version for people who are blind and a signed version for people in the deaf community. It stopped me from doing anything productive all morning. I entered a cycle of questioning – Why am I doing this? Do I give up? Will anyone care if I do? To – What’s the point? 

Talking a walk

Then I decided I’d go for a walk at lunchtime. This has been difficult lately due to the side effects of the breast cancer medication I am on. However, I put on my trainers and off I went. I met a horse in a field who came to say hello and I told her how beautiful she is. Then I saw a duck in a large puddle in another field swimming away making the most of its puddle. I stopped to watch and it made me smile. Not a pond or a lake just a large puddle from the recent rain. But this duck didn’t care – it was making the most of it – concentrating on the positive – what it had. 

So I’m following the duck’s example. I have a great project which has won awards for its live performances. I also have some great connections. Martin Riley Caroline Roberts-Cherry of Saffron cherry Productions to make this immersive version happen when I DO get the funding

“If Things don’t change – they’ll stop as they are”

There’s a saying – ‘If things don’t change they’ll stop as they are.’

Never under estimate the power of putting yourself in a different environment. Connecting with nature, a walk round the block can lift your spirits and provide a much need moment of calm. A reminder that you can’t change other people/situations but you can change how you respond. Mental Health Awareness Week runs from Mon, May 15, 2023 – Sun, May 21, 2023.

So my resolve is doubled down and me and the duck are going to turn our pond into a lake.